First-year Sigle Father
I met my wife in Poland, she was beautiful, and I lived with her the happiest days of my life. Her name was Liana. She was my soul mate. We both love to travel, so we traveled around the world. With Liana, I traveled to all parts of the USA, Canada, England, Italy, Scotland, Georgia, Turkey, Poland, Morocco, Lebanon, UAE, and Egypt. The only problem we had was the children, we had none. We both loved to have children, even just one child. We went to many doctors, but none of them found the problem. However, after 10 years of our marriage, the doctor surprised us. Liana was pregnant.
At that time, I had everything, a beautiful, smart, and very kind wife. Liana had vigorous virtues. I had a great job, a lovely house, and above all, I had a handsome, healthy son. It was a beautiful dream. Unfortunately, my dream did not last for a long time. Just one year and Liana told me horrible news which transformed the happy dream into a nightmare, Liana had cancer. Her illness lasted four years, then, I lost Liana.
My son, Karim, lost his mom when he was 4 years and 9 months. The children at the age of 6 to 8 years old do not realize the meaning of death, eternal loss. Any child in that age cannot imagine that life could end, he would be horrified when he thinks that his life and life of those around him can suddenly end. If the child age were between 3 to 5 years old, it would get worse. Because I was worry about him, I did not let him attend his mother funeral. I just told him that his mom went to heaven, and she will be thrilled there. I explained the concept of paradise with the most transparent and straightforward way, that commensurate with his age.
Many months passed, and Karim did not ask about his mom. However, one day, Karim said to me: "mom has spent a pleasant time in heaven, but it had been a long time. It is enough, tell her to come back.” I did not know what to say. I lost all my words. So, I took his attention, and I played with him some games. At that day, I found myself facing many challenges, the most important of which is creating a healthy environment that provides him with balance both psychologically and existentially. I found myself must fill the void that Liana left in Karim’s life. How can I move forward and establish a happy family life in the absence of one of its two central pillars? How can Karim be raised without a mother's love?
I recognized that I may not be able to handle my new situation. Karim was too young ... I was afraid because Karim did not understand the new situation. I felt that I am not ready for that and tend to surrender. However, I found that I must try as much as I can to overcome my pain, not to be trapped in the house, and to refrain from social life. The departure of my beloved wife was very painful, but I recognized that I should not give up. On the contrary, I had additional responsibilities, and I must be courageous and positive, to be able to manage my family. My frustration, not looking to the future positively, should not pass on to Karim, who in turn will act on the basis that his life is meaningless in the absence of his mother. I found that an optimistic, courageous, and rational father means optimistic and successful children with a positive outlook for the future.
Karim changed, he became sad most the time, after he was happy always. His teacher in pre-school informed me that Karim was crying almost all day. In school, Karim felt insecure and distressed when he saw his classmates with their mothers. It became clear that it is not easy for him to be adapted to the social environment after the loss of the mother. I felt that Karim mustn't be isolated. Liana and I do not have brothers or sisters so I cannot bring his relatives to allow him to open to society. So, I made him join a karate school and a swimming school.
I left the space for Karim to express his grief by crying. I did not ask Karim to stop crying. In my opinion, crying is a healthy way of expressing feeling and should not be absorbed within. However, it seemed Karim’s grief was much more than I thought, and to overcome that kind grief, it became clear that Karim needs to confront their feelings and express it honestly and discuss with someone who can provide him with psychological support. Sometimes, children need medical or specialist assistance, as the situation should not be neglected. I took Karim to a specialist. The Specialist started by telling Karim that his mom can see him and hear him from heaven. Suddenly, for me and I think for the Specialist, as soon as she said that, Karim raised his face to the ceiling and with the loudest voice, he screamed: "Mama come back."
A year passed, Karim and I successfully managed to adapt to the new life without Liana. The reason for that success, in my opinion, was due to the changes which happened to our relationship. We got closer to each other and listened more to each other. Each one of us stood by the other. Not only the father can raise the spirit of his little boy, but the little boy can also do the same thing for his daddy.